you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I woke up under a house in Key West
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