I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
