When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
