I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
