I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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