Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
