Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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