The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! Iām the best!
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