I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i think i have two assholes
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
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Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
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They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
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