I got her a Nickelback box set.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
