She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
