I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
