I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize