I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
