Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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