i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
