im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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