Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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