I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
