what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
