You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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