At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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