Your dad touched me again.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
