the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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