Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Randomize
