Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
