I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
