I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
