im about as happy as oj after his trial
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
