turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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