dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
