Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
