he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
