His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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