Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
