I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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