omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
