just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
