Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
