my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
