well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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