you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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