Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
