Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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