No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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