were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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