Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
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It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
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And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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