i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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