dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
