Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
time to smoke my breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize