I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
