Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
