I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
