I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
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It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
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Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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