Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
