i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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