guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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