We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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