That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
