I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
