the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
