I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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