can u get pink eye on your cock?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
