All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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