hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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