Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
