I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
