just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
