I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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