i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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