Your face is a jimmy john
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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