I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
