no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
