he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
